Should you tie your life – even for a short time – with a person who is simply not able to create a healthy and strong relationship now?
Of course, you should not consider all those who are emotionally unstable to be bad and should not be demonized. They are unable to create and maintain healthy relationships with other people, because their relationship with themselves is going through hard times right now.
To become reliable to you, they must first become reliable to themselves. And for this, they will have to make a lot of effort, and no one will force them to do it until they themselves want to. You, too, will not guide them on the right path. And if a potential partner has embarked on the path of healing, it is better to wait until he has passed it to the end. Because until that moment, his attention and strength will be directed exclusively to himself. If you don’t want to walk around with a broken heart (and if you do, you may need to think about your emotional instability too), then pay attention to these five signs.
He trusts everyone but himself
Lack of self-confidence is a sign of trauma, most often experienced in childhood. Childhood traumas often lead people to abandon themselves and their needs in order to survive. As adults, they literally give their strength to everyone around them and suffer from it. You may be pleased to feel their trust. But ask yourself: Is this trust based on a special intimacy that has stood the test of time, or is this person just sorely insecure? In the second case, trust has nothing to do with you – it is just a consequence of non-healing mental wounds.
Why does the lack of faith in yourself mean that this person will hurt you? Because he lends itself easily to the slightest influence. He does not have his own moral guidelines, they have not yet been worked out. It is better to rely on someone who can rely on himself. Such a person, if necessary, will be able to support not only himself, but also you.
He constantly complains about his health.
This does not mean that the slightest malaise or some kind of diagnosis should immediately scare you off. But a person who continually complains of a breakdown and suspects all possible illnesses in himself is not the best candidate for attachment. Often the habit of suffering unnecessarily due to one’s physical condition speaks of low self-esteem and the fact that all a person’s energy will be spent on trying to cope with some mysterious ailment, and not on developing and strengthening relationships. It is likely that he really needs to focus on himself now. But there will be no resource left for you.
He uses doppling
Alcohol, drugs, prescription drugs, even overeating are alarming symptoms. A person who is addicted to “doping” is not capable of real intimacy with someone else, because he only feels comfortable after using something. It changes his mood, creates an artificial personality.
The more often a person needs a new “dose”, the less stable his emotional state. And for him, you will never come first. Addiction will always come first. You’re probably thinking, “But there are so many couples around in which one of the partners or both are using something.” Yes, but this only suggests that there is an emotionally unstable person in this relationship, or even two at once. They may have a relationship, but this does not mean that their union is healthy.
He has a lot of experience with “bad” relationships
If you have the opportunity to review your partner’s previous relationship, do so. Did he repeatedly allow others to treat him disrespectfully and stayed long in relationships in which he clearly felt bad? This most likely indicates that he does not value himself and believes that he is not worthy of love and respect. The more unworthy he considers himself, the more he will need your confirmation of his worth. But you can never fill this black hole even if you try your best. This is a codependent relationship that will inevitably lead to suffering for both of you. An emotionally stable partner is self-confident. He is modest, but he knows his own worth and does not need you to “feed” his ego.
He sees life in black
A pessimistic approach and lack of faith in the success of any, even the most foolish business should alert you. If a person views life through the lens of potential failure, they will also look at you and your relationship. Emotional instability does not make a person bad or doomed to loneliness, it only means that now he needs to concentrate on himself and his state of mind. On your own and of your own free will, and not at your direction or with your help. And you do not need to hide next to him, waiting for him to finally change, let him deal with his life himself.